I realize that you only really know that you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them when something that happened to this person affects you emotionally as well . . . You think about them all day, you get worried when they don't reply to your texts right away (and yes, I have a smartphone now). You get really upset when it doesn't look like they're coping with a certain situation well . . . You get sick of so much so fast when life throws you curveballs. It's even worse when the curveballs are being thrown to home plate and you're standing out in left field -- there's no way to get there in time to stop the ball. You can only watch . . .
Danny came out to his parents and they've gone through the whole denial thing. They're still going through it. His dad wants him to try going out with girls . . . If he forces Danny to date a girl I WILL hurt him . . . Because I'm gonna be crushed. Karma says that someone else has to suffer, too.
I don't know if Danny went through this process when I came out to my parents but I've been so incredibly stressed that I've been losing sleep, I can't solve problems in physics and calculus, I can't read more than a paragraph of a book without thinking if he's okay . . . I've been on the verge of tears the entire day. At one point in physics class I wanted to just storm out of the class, break down, and cry.
Is it wrong to be worrying this much over him? . . . Is it right not to be worrying about him as much as this? It's almost like I'm reliving my own coming-out experience. All the emotions and memories are blending in with these new emotions and the present . . . It's too much to handle. I wasn't prepared for him coming out so soon.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that he came out. I love him to death and everything but I had no idea that I'd relive everything. I want him to pull through and I want us to come out of this still together -- and stronger than ever . .
I just need the world to stop moving . . . I just need to breathe . . . I just want him to be okay <3
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